In addition to mindset and perception, how you view control will largely determine whether you overcome your obstacle. The illusion that we are in control is largely to blame for many of the challenges we find ourselves facing, but the obstacle is illusionary.
First and foremost, we have to recognize that we are not as in as much control as we would like. As humans, we naturally want control over our entire lives. Despite this strong urge to be in control, we are only in control of very little.
By trying to control things that are entirely out of our realm of control, many obstacles feel overwhelming and daunting. That’s because they are. Viewing ourselves as in control creates countless made-up obstacles that we have no way of overcoming. It is essential to learn this lesson if you are to overcome obstacles.
Knowing When To Let Go
Because of this control issue, many of us hold on to obstacles that we have no business holding onto. These will be obstacles that we have no chance of overcoming.
Whenever we try to overcome obstacles that we can’t beat, we get overwhelmed and blame ourselves. Most likely, your inability to overcome an obstacle has nothing to do with you but the facts of the matter.
With this in mind, it is important to remember that you should not get caught up on things that are not in your control. Focusing on things outside of your control waste your time and energy, and it may hurt your self-esteem. Only focus on matters that you have at least partial control in.
Whenever you find yourself facing an obstacle that you aren’t sure if you should control, you might want to evaluate it. If you cannot control the obstacle outcome in any way, let go of it. Knowing whether or not you should let go can be difficult, but there are two things to consider:
- The facts
- Your emotions
The facts of the obstacle and your emotions will determine whether or not you are in control of the outcome and if you should let go of it. The facts of the obstacle include anything that is a requirement for the obstacle to be overcome.
For example, say your obstacle is that you have been fired and need money. The facts would include how long you can go without an income, the number of people relying on you, and anything else that can be objectively determined.
In addition to the facts, you need to consider your emotions. Your emotions will largely determine if the obstacle is worth it to you. Sometimes, the obstacle is in your control, and the facts allow you to overcome it. Nevertheless, your emotions may tell you that the obstacle is not worth it.
Let’s look at an example. Assume that your partner gets a new job and must move across the country. The obstacle in front of you is whether or not you should move or be in a long term relationship.
Both of these options are doable, but your emotions may tell you that you don’t want to move and you can’t tolerate a long-distance relationship. In that case, your emotions tell you that this obstacle is not worth it and that you should potentially break up.
By looking at the facts and your emotions, you should be able to determine if an obstacle is worth it. If the obstacle is not, give it up and move on with your life. Though this may take a lot of strength and resilience, it will make your life much easier.
How to Let Go of Control
In order to move on, you have to recognize and let go of control. For most people, this can be not easy. Here are some helpful action steps to help you let go of control and get back to living a life you enjoy.
Focus on What You Can Control
The first step to letting go of control is to focus on what you can control and recognize what you can’t. What you can control only relates to you, and the list is very small. Your appearance, mindfulness, aspects of your health, and productivity are examples of things that are within your control.
Any situation that involves another person is not entirely in your control. You can control how you respond to the other person, but you cannot control how they act or the situation.
Notice Your Reaction Pattern
Your reaction pattern is how you react to another person or situation. Most of the time, our emotions lead to our reactions. This isn’t necessarily bad, but it can mean that you react poorly, which hurts your ability to overcome the obstacle.
Notice your reaction pattern to change the outcome. Your reaction pattern will include the trigger, stress reaction, negative thought, negative feeling, reactive behavior, and the consequence. Take a second to reflect on this reaction pattern so that you know how you react.
If you think that your reaction is poor and leading to bad consequences, you need to break the pattern. This involves noticing the trigger, breathing, and being compassionate to yourself and others during the process. Additionally, turn your negative thought into a more realistic one.
Changing your reaction pattern will give you much more control over yourself. Still, it won’t completely change the scenario, but it will help how you react to it and your feelings.
Mantras
You can also use mantras to help let go of the control freak inside you. Mantras are quick and helpful sayings that you recite to yourself throughout the day. Studies have shown that mantras work if you repeat them to yourself frequently.
They change the way you think, and therefore, they change the way you react. Here is a list of helpful mantras for letting go of control:
- I let go of the need to control others.
- I let go of anything outside of my control.
- I control myself and my happiness.
- I only control myself and my reactions.
Recap
Our need for control turns things that we should let go of into obstacles. Learn how to identify when obstacles are not worth your time. Then, work to let go of your need to control everything to get back to your life and only face obstacles that are worth your time.
